So the thing about cell phones is…

02 Friday Dec 2011

Even if you’re on a Bluetooth, even if you’re makin’ a call from one sunny end of Yerba Buena Gardens to the other,

People can still hear you talking.

It is quite possible that, when you walk four steps behind someone else, they will hear you detailing to the person you’re calling “what I’m gonna do to you when I get home.” That “because it’s my birthday,” obligatory activities include “I’m gonna put it in your ass,” by “putting your hands on the counter” and “I’m gonna spread your cheeks,” ending with “then I’m gonna put it all in.”

The person walking in front of you may even hear “I’m gonna put all eight inches in.” Continue reading »

When I saw a man poo in public.

26 Wednesday Oct 2011

Posted by The Maykazine in life, wtf

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

the shitter

I’ve seen a lot of things. At least I like to think I’ve seen a lot a things. I’ve seen things that weigh on the unpleasant side of the scale: I’ve seen people pee. I’ve seen people vomit. I’ve seen people pass out. I’ve seen a person pass away.

I never thought I’d end up seeing a person, a fully mobile adult person, poo. But I did.

I’ve got a really nice mechanic. It’s a hole-in-the-wall joint, a friend of my mother’s, so I’m willing to trek to Oakland to get our car issues taken care of. (Our car, as in, we share one car between two people! I am so happy about this. Makes me feel less guilty about driving solo between Berkeley and Palo Alto five times a week last year. But I digress.)

There’s a really simple arrangement between the mechanic and me, one that isn’t unusual for the industry. I drive the car in, they drive me to BART. I BART in to pick up the car, they pick me up in my car. I sign paperwork (if there is any) and drive home. It’s not the most convenient spot, especially given that I live close by a number of auto body repair centers, but it’s a local business that’s been there for twenty-five years, and you know me – I shop indie when I can.

Anyway. Continue reading »