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I’m just gonna cut to the chase here.

The Maykazine The Best of Bai LingOG followers of this blog must remember the days of a regularly spontaneous and fantastic feature called “The Best of Bai Ling.” For a solid year, I highlighted my absolute favorites from Asian actress Bai Ling’s blog. That’s a lot of favorites. I managed to chronicle the best of the blog formerly titled “Hello” from May 2008 to May 2009 (now named “Naked Seduction”), then I got two internships at once plus a part-time job and all my free time went away – Come to think of it, that’s probably right when this blog started sucking. Anyway. Bai Ling has been a constant in my life, regardless of The Best of Bai Ling’s hiatus.

Bill and I headed down to LA this weekend for the Edward Scissorhands 20th Anniversary Tribute  – and Bill’s big 27th birthday! After a delicious and sunny brunch at Rose Cafe in Santa Monica, I was trailing behind Meg, Dave, Brittney, and Bill when this flash of metallic yellow and gold glinted in my eyes.

IT WAS HER. NO MISTAKE ABOUT IT. BAI LING WAS PASSING ON MY LEFT.

A super quick firing of the synapses went off in my head “THAT’S BAI LING. I’M NEVER GOING TO SEE HER AGAIN. I HAVE TO SAY HI.” I honestly don’t know how I was able to form a sentence at that point. I turned to her and said, “Bai Ling?” (As if I could mistake my favorite blog author with anyone else.) She nodded and smiled. “I’m so sorry, but can I take a picture with you?” She nodded yes. OPPORTUNITY OF A LIFETIME.

I started slapping at Bill’s back (Words were a challenge.) and stammered out, between hasty gulps of air, “BILL. CAN YOU TAKE A PICTURE OF ME AND BAI LING?” My eyes had already expanded to the size of dinner plates and I started thinking about how I would leave him and put everything he left in a box to the left if he said no. I’m sure he responded in normal time but I swear I’ve never seen a person so slow to react. “GET MY FUCKING CAMERA FROM MY FRIKKIN’ BACKPACK AND TAKE THE DAMN PICTURE,” I wanted to yell.

Quickly on Bai Ling’s heels, I followed her to her table and Bill took two pics. You can see that my eyes are unmistakably get a load of this large and I wore awful clothes standing next to the woman who inspired her own genre on Go Fug Yourself. (The sun was out in full force in LA. Why did I have to wear a black dress? Also, what the Hell, Shapeless Hair? You were not invited to this photo shoot.)

Her amazing skin (She’s 45? WTF!) radiated as much energy and light as her metallic gold leggings. I told her how excited I was to see her, although, really, words could not encapsulate the fangirl feelings inside me. I told her “I love your blog! I actually blog about your blog!” and she said, “Oh! You should write a column for me some time!” I’m sure she wasn’t serious but I gave her my business card anyway. Bai Ling, I will write multiple columns for you.

Also seated at her table was an older Chinese woman. “This is my mom,” Bai Ling said. As I turned and shook Mama Bai’s hand I said, “I’m such a big fan of your daughter’s!,” I also noted the blinging sunglasses, watch, and rings lighting up her face and wrists. Of course I checked @realbailing updates throughout the rest of the day.

Here she is with her equally fabulously dressed mother:

@realbailingDamn, I wish I was on a boat with Bai Ling. I’m taking this as a sign. Why else would LA serendipity be so kind to me? I’m going to have to bring back TBOBL, guys.

Oh, and Brittney and Dave also spotted Giovanni Ribisi at Rose and Bill and I passed Norm MacDonald en route to the beach. But I don’t care about them.