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There’s a fashion craze that’s sweeping the nation, and its proliferation is evidenced by such statements as “That girl is wearing a top.” (And nothing else.)
I call it the coochie dress. See here:
The girls above are wearing “tunics.” They happen to be at a club. They are at a club, wearing tunics, bad-dancing ho-bitching around on the second floor and NO I DON’T NEED TO SEE WHAT COLOR UNDERWEAR YOU’RE WEARING IN BETWEEN YOUR THICK THIGHS. Nor do I need to see what color underwear you’re wearing if you have slim thighs. You seem to have mistaken me for a horny frat boy. Call me a party pooper, I just don’t want to see the underwear between your thighs, period, ever, when I’m trying to party, okay?
Now you know why I call it a coochie dress. Ain’t no knock-off Gucci label. A “coochie dress” is when my eyes are violated by Crotch Shot. Much like I Forgot to Shave Girl.
It seems like coochie dresses are a big trend in Man Jose. Now don’t get me wrong, I love clubbing in Man Jose. I tend to enjoy not having to act super bougie the way I have to in SF clubs. Man Jose’s a bit ghetto, though, and that describes the girls just as much as the guys.
Even if you’re not in a multi-level club where bad dancing ho bitches are twisting around overhead, you’re still not safe from that one couple who inevitably has to pin themselves against the wall. You know what I’m talking about, that one butterface girl giving her boyfriend a lap dance.
I know the subject in this pic is obstructed, but…Well, you’re welcome.
If you can’t sit in it without revealing your Party Zone to the rest of the world, PLEASE DON’T PUT IT ON. I feel like you’re going to send visually airborne VDs into mine eyne. Or if you’re gonna wear the coochie dress, I’d really rather you just double up with those $132 LiLo Mr. President leggings. (On sale at Shop Intuition!) Because let’s be honest, you’re gonna be real thankful for those reinforced kneepads once you leave the club, aren’t you? BitchPleeze.com!
Plus LiLo’s just getting over that breakup. Help a sister out.
OMG. Hilarious!! And thank you for vocalizing this.
It has to be said!
hahahahaahhahahaa san HOE-say but i gotta say i do like clubbin their myself the the same reasons and the ease of bar hoppin
The proximity’s pretty awesome.
Course, I miss the days when the Vault was free and so was the parking. *sigh*
I like seeing a fit man in a tunic and a tunic alone more than seeing a women in a coochie dress. The look is far less Greco-Roman when women do it.
I’m not sure how Forever 21 came to calling single-layers of snug-ish fabric “tunics,” but it seems to have – quite unfortunately – stuck.
hey, man, it’s cheap and the hos love it!
btw, i added you to my blogroll. it’s so fun to see other bloggers from our dear fremont, ca!
The coochie dress is a staple here in Orange County as well. There’s gotta be some sanitation laws against girls wearing these and sitting on public chairs/couches/benches.
Exactly! It makes me wary of any sort of public seating.