There will be no crossing of my Borders.
12 Oct
After yesterday’s event and dinner with Twin and Mama Taichi, Twin and I made a stop at Target and Borders to get some errands done. Twin shopped for a TV antenna for Mama Taichi (We’ve already explained to her this is a stupid investment.) at Target while I walked over to Borders to pick up The Fall. (I justified the purchase because I have a Borders Rewards Card [I'm using that membership to justify my categorization of this post into Tales from the Club.], my mom wanted to watch it with me later, and she had just given me cash monies for the retail work hours I was missing.)
Wearing Spandex capri leggings and a frumpy hoodie – the kind of stuff you leave at your parents’ house for those weekends where you tote your laundry back (In fact, I was still wearing the exact same outfit I wore here.) – I spotted The Fall and quickly turned to beeline to the cashier. As I was walking away, I heard some male voice slowly drawl out “I’ve been thinking about seeing this movie.” Assuming he was talking to someone else, I walked on. Apparently I was walking too fast for someone, because this character, a 20-something Middle Eastern or Latino guy in baggy black jeans, a baggy black hoodie, and a flat-brimmed New Era knock-off stopped me.
High and/or Socially and/or Mentally Challenged Guy: ‘Scuse me.
Mayka: Oh. Yeah?
HSMCG: Have you seen this movie? Holds up The Firm.
Mayka: Umm, I think I’ve seen it a long time ago, but I’ve only seen it once. Turns to walk away.
HSMCG: Do you know if it’s any good? Incredibly slow speaker here.
Mayka: Ugh, well, I honestly don’t remember. But I’m guessing it is, because it’s before Tom Cruise went crazy. Tries to leave again on a cheery note.
HSMCG: Oh, I been thinking about watching it. What movie do you have there?
Mayka: …The Fall?
HSMCG: Oh, I been thinking about watching that, too. I’m willing to bet money that this guy has not a fucking clue what The Fall is.
Mayka: Oh, well, you should. It’s really good. Bye.
HSMCG: Maybe we could see it some time.
Mayka: (shocked) What?
HSMCG: I said, maybe we could see it some time. You and I could watch it together.
Mayka: Well, I’m watching it with my family tonight (Oh! The family card!), but you should rent it another time.
HSMCG: Do you think maybe we could watch it together?
Mayka: (awkward pause) Possibly. Walks.
HSMCG: Wait, I said, you think we could watch it together?
Mayka: Look, I’m sorry, but I have a boyfriend, and I’m really just not interested.
HSMCG: So how we gonna work this out, then?
Mayka power walks to cashier.
I know, I know, you’re wondering why I responded “Possibly” to one of his one, two, three, four invitations to watch The Fall together. Seriously, I was thinking of karma and how maybe one day I’d find myself in this sitcom situation of volunteering someplace and him being one of the underprivileged and the manager of the Volunteer for Underprivileged Center renting out The Fall.
You really just gotta wonder about strange men and their strange ways. It’s as desperate as Christian artist Katy Hudson’s transformation into pop Zoey Deschanel-wannabe mediocrity Katy Perry. For goodness’ sake, I didn’t even have my eyebrows penciled in! What the eff, man.
No comments yet