Dreams of Bikram yoga sabotage.
Went to a session of Bikram yoga today. ‘Twas a year and a half since I last pushed through three trial classes.
Also:
theMaykazine: the woman in front of me kept farting.
theMaykazine: very audibly
Bongo: oh god
Bongo: thats awful
theMaykazine: there was no smell
theMaykazine: and i know i should be mature because when you stretch your body like that, everything inside you reorganizes
theMaykazine: but i was like: umm…
Bongo: hahaha
Bongo: haha britsketch says people often are farting in there
theMaykazine: hahahhah
theMaykazine: i’m going to go in a gas mask next time
theMaykazine: as a statement
theMaykazine: i’ll be like “it helps my breathing”
Bongo: hahaha
On my last day at the studio, I am going to secretly syphon all the water out of the Fiji bottles and replace the liquid with vodka. THEN we’ll see everyone get a real workout. (Ooh, maybe I’ll use the Belvedere Jagger Dagger to sacrifice the day’s Bikram yoga virgin!)
UPDATE: Apparently front desking at a yoga studio is not an uncommon “summer job” for people who are well overqualified for the position. Yoga Dawg, which links to my blatant rip on Bikram yoga, has unearthed a 47-year old who blogs about being a “yoga greeter.” She has two Emmys. And works at a yoga studio. Earning $9 an hour.
I am not alone! Craigslist has coerced us all!
FURTHER UPDATE: Oh wait, that piece was written in 2007. Maybe I am still alone…
when i go, we bring bounce fabric sheets. IT HELPS for the gassy person in front of you. you know what else i cant stand—when dudes roll into the class in their briefs. WRONG.
Bounce fabric sheets?? Explain…
I KNOW you didn’t just conjure up an image a guy in his tightie-whities at a sweaty Bikram yoga class in my head. EW, DLP, THANKS.
In an unofficial tally, this week alone I saw two men practice in tiger-print shorts. Nothin’ but class.
My personal favorite is the always the UNBELIEVABLY sweaty guy (and there is more than one) who never fails to set his mat up inappropriately close to mine for the amount of people in the class. (When there are ten people in the room you DO NOT need to be 6 inches away from me. EVER.) Even that would be tolerable, though, if he wasn’t FLINGING SWEAT ON ME every time he lifts his arms over his head. I kind of throw up in my mouth a little bit every time that happens – which is far, far too often.
I often want to bark at the men who hand me their locks to get their keys back and DRIP ALL OVER MY HANDS (and the counter) with their sweat. I have yet to craft the perfect one-liner, “USE A FUCKING HAND TOWEL!” might be it…
…hatha yoga is about finding comfort when you are uncomfortable. as for the sweaty guy next to you, can you find peace in a challenging environment. or just move your mat a bit out of the way or stand towards the back of your towel. people just love to complain………..
Yup!