theMaykazine

Last night’s episode of King of the Hill made fun of striped sweater hipsters who wanted to be “real” and gentrified into the primarily Mexican American community around Hank. They quickly overpopulated the neighborhood, frustrating the Mexican American families as they spent their parents’ money and lounged in lawn chairs in their front yards. They were primarily White, feigned being chummy with “la raza,” and eventually left in response to a plan by Hank and his friends to make the suburbs uncool. Hank & Co. filled the streets with powerwalkers in track suits and rang the hipsters’ bells to welcome them with baked goods. The Brady Bunch approach repelled the hipsters, who went off in search for other real estate agents capable of selling “cool.” They either wanted to live among the minorities, or they wanted to live in converted lofts.

Last night Bongo and I were typing to each other as three or four spaced out gunshot-sounding noises filled the air. Bongo and I live about one mile away from each other and WE WERE BOTH CHATTING ABOUT THE SOUNDS IN REAL TIME.

Now Bongo is off enjoying The Islands at Bimbo’s, and I’ve just listened to a string of about 15 successive, steady gunshots, clearly just a few streets south of me. I’ve contacted the police, who assured me that officers are investigating the noises, and I’m wondering why there’s no online police blotter I can access. How come nobody reports on the happenings of the areas surrounding the ghetto? Oh, funding. Oh, priorities favoring economically affluent regions and demographics.

I’m sitting in the same apartment from where Bongo’s car was once stolen. In a couple of days, it was later found parked around the corner. Sans full tank of gas. I then learned from a neighbor that “The guys down the street, well, let’s just say they’re professional thieves.”

Is this where hipsters want to live? Wanna trade wealthy parents?

Hipsters should skip the real estate agent and go through Craigslist, like the rest of us raza.