Foot-in-mouth disease.

30 May

Knowing fully well that Google searches for my name are nearly all dead-on, I’m just going to go ahead and say what I wish I could have said.

Owner: So, Mayka, how do you think it is working with this team?

Mayka: Well, I’ve never worked with a group entirely made of girls before.

Mayka: You guys suck. You absolutely fail at introducing new employees to your “family,” you talk behind the backs of your customers while standing at the front desk, and you herd people into this studio like it’s the Southwest Airlines of bikram yoga.

Manager (during break): Did you go to college?

Mayka: Yeah.

Mayka: Holy shit, did you really just ask me that? I mean, I guess you have no grounds to believe that I am at all educated, because, I mean, I’m just doing menial front desk work and have no intentions at all of going above and beyond my “Front Desk Girl” call of duties. I totally need you managing me. Totally. Even though you’re four years younger than I am. I pee my pants every time I look at this closing checklist, and God only knows what will happen to the studio when you aren’t there to hold my hand. Words and letters scare me, so I’m glad you’re here by my side. Checkboxes always confuse me, too, I mean, do you fill them in, or do you fill them out?

I’m glad to know you’re managing me and you’ve actually looked at my resume. It actually took a lot of time to parse it all down to one page. I was pretty proud of myself for limiting my employment history to one job in electronics retail, because I know you don’t have time to realize I’ve done other work and am a thousand times overqualified for this position. I appreciate that you appreciated my brevity and took it one step further by not bothering to read it. It really shows that you have your priorities straight and that you are wholly, entirely focused on bringing in commissions to this studio.

Here’s to being mentally unemployed. ::CLINK::

(Sometimes, I daydream about making this one of those day-by-day accounts of “theMaykazine tries to get fired.”)

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2 Responses to “Foot-in-mouth disease.”

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