I can’t do coffee. The only business Starbucks gets from me is for apple cider. (Pretentiously referred to as their “Caramel Apple Spice” – and that’s if they have it, which they frequently don’t. [And no, their baristas often don't know what I'm talking about, either, whenever I refer to the "spice" on their menu.])

Years and years and years ago, I gave up soda cold turkey. (This was no Lent sacrifice; I just decided it was bad for me. And it is. It’s bad for you, too.) Not drinking soda has made me almost intolerant of caffeine. I can handle the caffeine that comes from tea, but soda is another story. Soda caffeine gives me the jitters and makes my heart palpitate. (So does H&M. Do not force me to walk into that store.)

I imagine coffee would be just as bad as, if not worse, than soda. I base this solely on a trip I went through in high school. It was the night before lab books were due, and I popped a bunch of No Doz. I overdosed and hallucinated through the rest of the day, writing “Ewan” somewhere into my Catcher in the Rye test (Ewan has nothing to do with Catcher.), driving with my tongue sticking out because the air was spicy and tickled my tongue, and crying at the sky because it was hurting my eyes. I posted a whopping seven entries to my LiveJournal that day, and each of them was exactly the same.

On the packaging for the No Doz, it described that a single caffeine pill had as much caffeine as a single cup of coffee. I don’t remember how many I took that day (4? 6?), but judging by my hypersensitivity to caffeine, I have made a conscious decision to avoid it at all costs.

Since the dead age of soda, I’ve reached the age where a lot of my peers will go out for coffee or where my co-workers can’t work a spreadsheet until they’ve had their morning cup of coffee. I, however, can’t stand the stuff. Coffee is an acquired taste, but if I never liked the taste to begin with, why should I be compelled to order another cup? Where would the acquisition come from if I’m not interested in subjecting myself to bitter brown liquid? Coffee, overrated. Who wants to acquire something that isn’t appealing to begin with?

Anyway, coffee does appear to be good for something when it comes to non-drinkers. Behold my discovery of coffee art. I’m not one for wasting food, but I see nothing wrong with playing with it: